30 Lessons Learned
A collection of pink and orange balloons, some with smiley faces and some with sad faces.
I turned 30 recently - hooray for me! This move into the new decade got me thinking about how far I’ve come. All the things I have achieved, all of my failures,
heartbreaks and joys.
I decided to compile a list of some of my lessons learned in hopes that it sparks some curiosity or inspiration in you. We don’t often take the time to reflect on our learnings and truly appreciate all that we have experienced or accomplished, for better or for worse!
General Life Lessons
🤸🏾♀️Change is inevitable.
🤸🏾♀️People will disappoint you.
🤸🏾♀️All of us have the ability to make an impact in this world.
🤸🏾♀️The patriarchy does not only harm those who identify as women but it's also killing those who identify as men at an alarming rate.
🤸🏾♀️Just because you don't understand someone or their choices, doesn't mean they are wrong.
🤸🏾♀️If you don't pay attention to the signs, you will get hit by the bus.
🤸🏾♀️Death can be our greatest teacher.
Personal Development
🧡Acknowledge and accept your emotions. Grieving suicide was really hard, experiencing PTSD after my brother died really shocked me and I felt very resistant to working through it with my therapist because I didn't think my experience was 'bad enough'. When I learned about orthorexia being an eating disorder, I felt very resistant to it because I didn't think my experience was 'bad enough'. Both my experiences were enough because the stress and impact it had on my life were considerable.
🧡You can't control everything that happens to you but you can choose how you respond.
🧡Your experience is real and valid.
🧡There is no shame in needing and seeking support from a professional; it shows that you understand you don't need to do this alone.
🧡Self care isn't only bubble baths and pedicures. It includes saying no to things and people, setting boundaries in new places, ending relationships, leaving workplaces and in general making some really tough decisions.
🧡My imposter syndrome usually rears its head when I really care about performing well in what I am doing or if it is a new environment
🧡Sometimes what looks like a rejection can be an absolute blessing. I didn't get into Psych Honours the first time, I was heartbroken but upon reflection, even if I could change it, I wouldn't.
🧡Be patient with yourself, unlearning takes time.
🧡Reading books on personal development won't change your life if you don't change your behaviour.
🧡Perfectionism can be defence mechanism that acts as a barrier to expressing your authentic self .
Body Image
🍕Disordered eating stole years of enjoyment from my life but I didn't even realise because of how much praise I received and how normalised disordered behaviours (fasting, dieting, excessive exercise... the list goes on) are.
🍕'Health' depends on MANY biological, psychological and social factors
🍕Don't comment on people's bodies. Ever. Even if you think it’s a compliment, just zip it.
🍕Learning about health Psychology changed my view of health and how people navigate the world
🍕There are no good or bad emotions. They are what they are. Certain situations will evoke emotions in you and not in others because we all have a different lived experience.
Relationships
💞Your partner does not need to be everything to you. It is unrealistic to expect one person to fulfil all your needs. Determine the most important things you need from a partner and then 'nice-to-haves'.
💞Relationships are living breathing organisms, you need to feed and care for them. Try doing a 'relationship audit' to determine who the most meaningful people in your life are and then ensure you are feeding those relationships adequately.
💞Communication is EVERYTHING. What you don't say will fester under the skin of the relationship and slowly poison it.
💞Tell your people how much they mean to you, show them affection and make them feel special.
💞It’s okay to let go of relationships. Just because you have known someone for a long time doesn't mean they need to stay in your life.
💞Choose your partner everyday and if you get to the point where you are no longer choosing them then a conversation is needed.
💞Friend breakups are really hard. You share your life so differently with a friend than a romantic partner yet there are many overlaps. When it ends it can be really hard to talk about particularly if there is a lot of ambiguity - therapists are great.
💞You cannot change anyone.
Is there anything you would add to this? What resonated with you the most, tell me in the comments below! I ALWAYS love hearing from you.
